Self-esteem and sense of self

Almost everyone has an inner voice that comments. In some people that voice is disproportionately harsh: it records every mistake, records no achievement, and speaks with the certainty of someone stating facts. People who live with it often do not recognise it as a voice. They call it realism.

It shows in small things. A compliment that cannot get in. A success put down to luck or chance. A request not made because the answer will be no anyway. An hour spent rereading a three-line email.

The cost you cannot see

This voice does not only produce suffering: it produces choices. It makes people accept less than they could, stay in situations that are not working, avoid anything that might confirm the verdict. It is a closed system, because avoiding the test also avoids the disproof.

What we can do with it

The work tries to understand where that voice comes from and whose words it is speaking. Almost always it was not born with you, and it was useful for something, at a time when being useful made sense. Recognising it as one voice among others — rather than as a description of the facts — is the point at which it starts to lose its authority.