Difficulties in relationships

Some people arrive with a problem in their couple, and some arrive with a feeling that is harder to put into words: that with other people something never quite works all the way through. Relationships end at the same point. Friendships cool without a quarrel. In the family the same scene has been playing for twenty years with barely different words.

When a pattern repeats itself with people who are very different from one another, the explanation is no longer in the people. It is in what each of us carries into a bond without noticing: what we expect, what we fear, and what we do a moment before the thing we fear happens.

What usually brings people here

• Relationships that begin intensely and go out at the same point every time.
• Difficulty saying no, and the resentment that builds after saying yes.
• Jealousy, or a need for reassurance that no reassurance settles.
• A family conflict that has run for years and that nobody can name any more.

What we can do with it

Individual work on this is not there to decide whether to leave or stay. It is there to make the pattern visible while it is happening, rather than afterwards. From there, a choice becomes a choice again. I see people individually: I do not offer couples therapy, and if that is what you are looking for I can point you to a colleague.